Fill in the Blank Mother’s Day Card
Dear Mom,
I know at times I’ve been [derogatory adjective], called you names like [farm animal], and acted as entitled as [snotty teen celebrity].
Like that time I drank too much [alcoholic beverage] and [bodily function] all over [family pet]. Or when I lied about going to [girlfriend’s name]’s house and actually went to [boyfriend’s name]’s, and you never said a word.
Thank you for pretending not to see me the night I came in at [unreasonable hour] and started talking to the [inanimate object]. And for never mentioning the [sex toy] I know you found in my drawer when I was [alarmingly young age]. Through it all, you remained as steadfast as [WWE contender], as sweet as , and as accepting as [wife of adulterous politician].
Without you, I’d be eating [fast food chain] for breakfast and dressing like [local loon]. You have so much going for you, Mom. You look as young as [different snotty teen celeb] (before her addiction). You’re the [hyperbolic adjective] mom in the world.
I love you. Happy Mother’s Day!
Finally, an all in one posting spot.
